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Coffee shops historically have been a gathering spot for poets, artists and malcontents seeking a forum to espouse their views; which just happens to be the purpose of this community. So, let's have at it.

Coffee Quip - March 2008

Killer Whale, Housework and Sex

March 9th 2008 16:09
Rumors of white whales in the waters near the Aleutian Islands off Alaska’s coast have been persistent. Researchers have finally filmed and confirmed that the wondrous creature exists, is alive, healthy, white, but is not an albino. It lives with a family pod of about 12 animals; this handsome fella is an adult male more than 25 feet long and weighs more than 5 tons. And nearly all of the lady Orca’s calls him Charlie.
Mythical White Killer Whale source.

The crew of the research ship, that were following the whale and the researchers share a coffee pot. One of the helpful researchers decided to wash the grungy pot and took it into the ladies head to wash it and fill it with water. She finished the task and started preening a bit. Why not? The mirror was there and the lighting was just right, however her sense of time wasn’t. While brushing her hair, there was a light rap on the door and a note slid under the door. “You win,” it read. “Any ransom demand will be met. Just release the coffeepot and no one gets hurt.”

Guys, here’s a hint, “. . . equitable sharing of housework can lead to a happier relationship with your spouse and more frequent sex,” this, according to psychologist, Joshua Coleman. As your coffee guzzling life guru, let me point out that I’ve been testing this theory for years. What I discovered was this annoying little factoid: tired, cranky and worn out wives aren’t going to be feeling sexy, no matter how many times you whisper sweet nothing in her ears after an 18 hour day catering to you, the kids, her job and domestic chores. Pay attention to this part, it’s the clincher: especially if you played the channel surfing, internet chatting lay about when you got home from work (provided that you hold down a job). So, start training now guys, unless you happen to like the couch.
Men Who Do Housework May Get More Sex source.

Fresh from my pre-coffee morning shower, I stood in front of the mirror bemoaning to my tea drinking husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of soothingly telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically proffered a suggestion. “If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and gently rub it between them for a few seconds,” he advised, smiling ever so sweetly.

Willing to try anything, I peeled off a few sheets of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing them between my breasts. “How long will this take?” I asked. “They will grow larger over a period of years,” my husband replies. I stopped. “Honey, do you really think rubbing toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger?”

Without missing a beat he replied, “It worked for your butt, didn’t it?”



Hey! Do Tea producers take coffee breaks?

It's the start of another week, let it be a great one.

Raven

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Posted By: tlcorbin - Category: Morning Coffee News
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15 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by katyzzz

March 9th 2008 21:05


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I'll stick to the whale for the housework thanks, and despite the ironing, which looked great I think you are something of a closet MCP, Raven, tch, tch, see you for an iced chocolate without Danish a little later on.

Comment by tlcorbin

March 9th 2008 21:19


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A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
MCP??? Marriage Counseling (pick one of the following) Prognosticator/Prodigy/Psycho logist/Pastor/Professor/Porte ntous/Pontificate of sorts?

Sorry, the whale isn't house broken or toilet trained as yet. Odd that you should mention iced chocolate and Danish, guess what I'm having now, as we speak. Green tea with ginger and noda Danishes katyzzz, eerie isn't it? Raven

Comment by katyzzz

March 9th 2008 21:40


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Green tea and ginger, what a good boy, watch, Ginger thins your blood, MCP - male chauvinist pig, dear, I liked the story about the pod of white whales ( not albinos) wonder where they came from?

Comment by tlcorbin

March 9th 2008 23:21


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Gasp, I'm an MCP...this male paragon of non gender bias and equality, this defender of the virtuous...arrrrgh, how I hate getting exposed to the light [B]katyzzzz.[/B

Only a single whale is white in that particular pod. As for the question where he came from: ah, usually there's a dinner and movie date between a lady whale and a fella whale; followed by some heavy drinking and the morning after when they both wake up in the same kelp bed with raging hangovers and a lingering sense that things aren't the same any more. Months later, here comes a baby whale, which occasionally is white but not albino.

Did that help at all? Raven

Comment by katyzzz

March 9th 2008 23:37


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Fascinating, but the mystery still remains.

Comment by tlcorbin

March 9th 2008 23:48


Coffee Quip
A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
I am not well informed about the matter, for me it's a great curiosity, and I wonder if he is an evolutionary throw back or a the first of a new breed.

Comment by Cibbuano

March 10th 2008 01:50


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wow, I'd like to see those whales...

Comment by Michaelie

March 10th 2008 04:43


Flick Wit
Haha, my Dad loves that joke.

I want to see Moby Dick too.

Michaelie

Comment by tlcorbin

March 10th 2008 05:13


Coffee Quip
A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
Hello Cibbuano, I haven't seen a white Orca, but the regular black and white ones turn up around us rather frequently, they are amazing creatures.

Michaelie, we all want to see that wonder. I'm glad someone found the joke entertaining.

Good to have you visit. Raven

Comment by Louie

March 10th 2008 05:56


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wow..amazing, another to do for the list......

Comment by tlcorbin

March 10th 2008 06:01


Coffee Quip
A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
Which part? The Iron man contest or a trek to view the Orca Whale Louie.

Comment by Krystal

March 10th 2008 09:41


feelings
Raven, you can be so rude, sometimes, how on earth did I end up in this neck of the woods?

Well, at least there's a coffee shop, bit short on the quips, to-day.

I'd just so love one of those green teas with ginger and while I'm on the health kick could I have a lovely big piece of passionfruit cream cheese cake. I believe in living healthily.

And so much for your comments, Andrew thinks I'm lovely, and he's not as silly as some I could name.

But I see you've cleaned up to-night, you must be getting yourself organised, or did your wife or one of the natives do it?

You know I love you darling, you are always SO welcoming, even when you haven't swept the floor.

Comment by tlcorbin

March 10th 2008 10:42


Coffee Quip
A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
Well hello loverly lady Krystal, welcome.

Rude eh? Well, ah..., hmmm, ponder, ...consider, reflect... you think? ..it's just an art form, yeah, that's it..no. It was an anomaly. There is the Andrew factor...., thinking...., ah, got it. I've been out of my anti-psychotic med's for a week. No-not it, huh...wow this hurt, introspecting...eh. And your point is?

Here's a hot mug of Green Tea and ginger, and a fresh, lovely, big piece of calorie free passion fruit cream cheese cake. Lemme kick a few piles of floor sweepings out of the way and brush the table off a bit. Didja want the fries? Oh, right, not with desert.

Phew, glad the health inspector just had lunch and left. He comes bye every Monday for a treat.

The place gets pretty messed up during the lunch rush, always good to see you, whoops, watch out for the spilled katsup on the table.

Comment by sandeye

March 10th 2008 18:33


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I think i would be more likely to chase the guy OUT from my cleaning closet and stop him doing my chores for me! (OK, I am NOT a feministt...)

Comment by tlcorbin

March 10th 2008 22:11


Coffee Quip
A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
That's understandable, sandeye, but lending a helpful hand around the house is good for everyone. Especially if all party's have had a rough day and need a break. Get the chores out of the way and snuggle up for some quality foot rubbing, movie watching or chat time. It's a win-win situation. Raven

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